He won me over. After a night with the girls, the Womanizer came to stay the night. We chatted as a group on the couch and round 6am went to bed. The womanizer slept with me, no big deal as it wasn’t the first time. Throughout the night we started to cuddle. Then as we were spooning in the morning I felt him start to push himself towards me and against me. The flow began and grew stronger. Soon his hands were on me, mine on his, my mouth on his, and so on. He definitely knows what he’s doing. As I went to grab for him my jaw dropped. I could barely wrap my hand around him and had to gasp in amazement. After nearly an hour of orgasms I couldn’t take anymore. I wanted him. I needed him. He ravished me and it was so primal, rough, and overdue. It took me days to recover, but was well worth it.
This weekend he’s my date for a wedding out of town. I can’t say I’m not excited. Weddings are a blast and the thought of a night in the hotel room is nearly too much to bare. Honestly, I’m not sure what will happen from here, but I can’t say I’d be mad if it turned into more. I’m not naive and clearly know my friend so my hopes are not raised high. Yet, a trickle of thoughts flow through the back of my mind.
We laugh about how we met summers ago. It was through my girlfriend and we had initially started to flirt. Soon they warned me of his ways and to stay away. I obliged and he was pissed to say the least. He later told me he had a talk with them that he understood they were looking out for me, but to never do that again. Haha. We laughed in bed about how mad the girls would be if they found out and how we’d seem to come full circle from when we’d met.
Oh womanizer… what will become of you.
On the night of Halloween I met the Doctor. I was out with my girl friends and we were quickly drawn to each other. His confidence was impressive as he would take me by the hand and lead me around the bar. At this time I was still seeing the Ginger, so when he had tried to kiss me I denied. Yet, sometime during my drunken evening it is rumored that even though I continually denied him, I put my number in his phone. On the way home I tried to call the Ginger and later confessed to him that a guy at the bar had tried, but I had declined his advances.
Soon after the Doctor began asking me out. I continually put him off and eventually said we could get tea (I hate coffee) as friends. Before this even occurred I cut things off with the Ginger for the reasons in the post below. The Doctor and I were supposed to go to an art museum, but ended up having dinner at a nice restaurant and then off to the bowling alley as it was too late for the museum. It was a great time, but because of his attempts at the bar I didn’t even let him kiss me. A few days later we made a Persian meal at his house and it was a lot of fun. This time I let him give me a peck goodbye. A few nights later he planned a surprise date and took me to a hockey game with seats at center ice. It was a great time and this time he even got a little tongue with his goodbye kiss. That weekend his friend and sister were in town and he had invited me to dinner with his sister one night and I went bowling with the whole group the next. I was becoming smitten at this point. The next date included the Great Gatsby and a steamy hook up (no sex as that will only occur when relationship status is reached). Work picked up for me and the next weekend when his other sister visited I had to decline his invitation to join them out.
Bringing us to yesterday. I went over to his place to relax with dinner and a movie. He eventually tried for more at the end of the night, but I denied (it was “that time” but I didn’t tell him that). It was still a fun night and we even made muffins together. So cute so far, right? So as I’m driving home I can’t resist the urge to inquire as to if he is seeing anyone else. I don’t want to be played for a fool. This turned into a phone conversation and I’m still not sure what to make of it. He was making points as he has no expectations of anyone until they’re in a relationship and monogamy is basically a relationship. Truth I admit. However, if I like someone I have no interest in hooking up with others. He also said he hadn’t had sex or such since we started seeing each other, but he seemed to leave room for dating or kissing others. At that point I ended up telling him that I had no interest in being one of many, he agreed no one would, and that I would still hang out but I will not engage in the physical unless we were monogamous. I definitely want to hold to this. Psh, I would feel guilty or resist going out with other guys, but now hell that has gone out the window. I will do as I please knowing it will make him jealous. But really, he brought this on himself.
My question is this: Since when did dating someone monogamously turn into the equivalent of marriage? Is it so hard for a guy not to molest everyone in sight?
So last weekend I was in Chicago again visiting the Ginger and it was pretty good. Thursday night we went to an Argentinian steakhouse and Friday I made a delicious dinner for him while he worked in the evening. The morning after we went to a soccer bar to watch the game and later he was surprisingly consoling after I received the bad family news. In the evening we went to Cold War Kids and met some of his friends at a bar after. On the way back from the bar he asked me if I’d ever consider moving to Chicago one day. At the time I replied, “Yes, I love the city.” But little did I realize this was the beginning of the end..
I pondered this question for the next few days. Would I really leave my job, my friends, my condo to join him in Chicago one day? And to my own surprise the answer was no. I love my life here. I love my job, Wednesday girls night, and having my own home and space. I sat on the fence regarding whether to continue the relationship and later called my best guy friend, the Womanizer, for advice. He didn’t tell me what to do, but definitely gave me a few things to think about.
1. Do you see this going long term? How would it work if you do?
2. You have to decide on your own value and then equate that to what you think you deserve. Does he meet, exceed, or fall short of these expectations. Don’t sell yourself short.
3. It’s getting to that point whether you have to decide if you want to go all in or walk away.
The more I pondered his questions the more I realized I could not see it working long term, I highly valued myself and didn’t feel he was meeting my expectations, and didn’t want to go all in. The straw that broke the camel’s back is when I started thinking about how I would ideally want to be with someone that would bring out the best in me. I definitely didn’t feel that way about him. He was crass, made me feel insecure, and cursed like a sailor. Is this really what I wanted? Not at all.
It was the two month rule coming into effect. The rose colored glasses were off and I did not like what I saw. Today we had “the talk.” I told him I didn’t want to see him every few weeks and wonder what he was doing in between, that I knew he was trying , but I didn’t want to try to make him something he was not. Needless to say he didn’t take it well. He retorted that I knew what I was signing up for in the beginning and this was a waste of time then. He twisted and manipulated my words to make me look like the ass. I guess in a way this further assured me that I was making the right decision. Am I regretting it? Not at all. It sucks to feel loathed, but I’m sure he’ll move on. Will we be friends? Honestly, no idea. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never spoke to me again though.
I’ve written before how I feel like my life is occasionally based off of a Lifetime movie. This weekend was no different. I was having a pleasant weekend in Chicago when I received a very unpleasant call…
My mom’s sister was murdered when my mom was around 13. Her sister had two kids who ended up jumping around from family member to family member and often found themselves in trouble. My uncle eventually found his way to drugs and later ended up in jail. As of recent my mom discovered he was living out of his truck and suicidal. He took him in as a good gesture. Put a roof over his head, kept him fed, tried to talk to him about God, and get him in rehab and back on his feet. I saw him a few weekends ago before a family party. I was nice enough and we made some sarcastic jokes back and forth in good humor…
My sister called in a fret. “Hurry! Tell me!,” I urged. My mom had slept in late… she had thought he was in the bathroom in the morning.. when he hadn’t come out she banged on the door.. no answer. She eventually beat and wedged the door open enough to slide in. He was passed out on the floor.. she yelled, she beat him, she splashed water and screamed for him to wake up.. nothing. After calling 911, the paramedics managed to get him into the living room where they continued to work on him for 2 hours to no avail. With the tourniquet around his arm, needle still shoving its way in, he was gone.
When my sister arrived she said the body was still there.. laying in the living room with a sheet over it. The police officer waiting for someone to collect the body and my mom in hysterics. The paramedics left the scraps of the shirt they had cut open on the floor along with gauze, vomit, and other medical waste.
As I write this it feels surreal. A made up story that never happened. Since then I’ve found myself in a daze of work, wine, and tears… doing my best to keep busy. Death is an interesting thing. It doesn’t register as real until we accept it as so. Something I will never get used to. Something I fear as I grow older. Those around me leaving…passing… dying. I wonder, does it ever get easier?
My best guy friend is a great looking guy and a ten on paper. Little do most girls know, he is a serious womanizer. He can spout out lies to bed nearly any girl of his choosing. While he is a threat to the unsuspecting bar patron, he is undoubtably one hell of a friend. He looks out for his friends, will foot the bill for drinks, and is always ready to come to the rescue if needed. My new home is ironically quite close to his and this has made us very close again. He has come over after work more than a few times for drinks and has on occasion crashed in my living room. The Ginger is well aware of our close relationship and even knows he has stayed over. He didn’t seem to fuss too much over it, just that I should probably give him a heads up when it does happen.
So this past weekend slowly made its way to a climax. Friday was a blast! We had a work meeting where a stunning gent was invited (this is a big deal as our company is 99% female). Phd, style, and boyish good looks. Talk about a ten. After the meeting us girls went out and gushed like school girls the entire night. The drinks flowed and we all playfully threw each other under the bus fighting to be king of the hill with Phd.
The next day was a huge Halloween party. Literally thousands of people attend this event. We decided to be young again and pick up a bottle of vodka on the way. In the parking lot we passed the bottle until we stumbled in and proceeded to have the night of our lives, even though it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. We danced up on the podiums, drank from the VIP section, and laughed the night away. Later I found the Womanizer and the fun continued. Apparently we danced (that part is a little hazy) and continued to giggle and stumble about. I happened to get in the car with him and my old friends and head back to his house at the end of the night. We ended staying up till 5ish and passing out in his room, which was really no big deal. It was the sober morning after…
So the Womanizer finally made a move on me. I immediately shot him down and didn’t even give him a chance. I made a joke about not being one of his conquests and of course he objected saying it wasn’t like that. We spent the next few hours laughing and me teasing about how he didn’t have a chance (somewhere during that time he gave it one more go and I denied yet again). He stated how he loves to be intimate and I retorted how he wanted to be intimate with everyone lol. One would think this would cause a sense of awkwardness, but not with us ha! We continued to laugh and joke for a couple hours until he drove me back to my car. The next day he even came by for dinner and we sat on opposite ends of the couch like nothing ever happened.
I honestly view it as more of a test than anything. The Womanizer likes to see what he can get away with and I let him know that his attempt was not something that was gunna happen.
The Ginger has continually has put in effort recently and ironically Sunday brought about some serious relationship chat. We chatted about trust and I was relieved that I had nothing to be guilty of. He also admitted he had never thought of calling things off (I think I implied that he had). This was a shocker to me. I assumed he had on many occasions. Earlier that day I was wondering if he even wanted a relationship because I know he likes his own time, isn’t all cuddly, and definitely not a romantic. But to my surprise, he said the thought has never crossed his mind.
I’m heading out of town this weekend to see him and I’m not gunna lie I’m pretty excited. He’s planned a full weekend of dinner dates, a concert, cooking dinner together, and more. As I’ve said previously I was waiting for this weekend to see if this is really going to work. I guess here we go!
You’ve got to be kidding me. I spent nearly two hours trying to bridle an unruly horse and that S.O.B brought his right hoof up and kicked me in the thigh. Getting me twice! Once coming up and kicking high on the front of my thigh and he got me again on the way down above the knee. Perfect timing as I’m heading to Florida on business tomorrow. I’ll be rocking my bikini while it looks like someone took a baseball bat to my leg. Fantastic right?
At least I have a decent story to go with it. No doorknobs or running into things, I was kicked by a mofo horse. Ughhhhhhh!
So this past week I’ve been sitting on the fence with the Ginger. And to my surprise he’s been working on the issues I’ve brought to light. I told him I know it’s not him to be mushy gushy, but I need something. Since then he’s been calling often (I know he hates to talk on the phone haha) and dropping sweet comments here and there. Telling me he wishes I were there to cuddle with him until he passes out.
Friday morning we were texting and I threw something out there about what we exactly are. Later, he called and at first made a funny comment mocking me like meh meh meh what are we meh meh. I scowled and we moved forward in the conversation. As the conversation moved on he very randomly in mid conversation brought up “Hey, you know that question you asked earlier.” It caught me off guard and he posed that we both say we’re dating as we both don’t want the other person dating anyone else. I can’t say I wasn’t excited, but with so many questions still, I kept my mouth shut haha.
If he can work on expressing himself more, I can work on expressing myself less haha. I think I also might of put a bit of a scare in him when I changed my profile picture from a picture of us to me and friends. Later he asked if anything was wrong and I of course said no. We both have stuff to work on, as everything relationship does, but we’re making it work thus far. He makes me smile and I can’t wait to see him again in two weeks. We’ll see =P
To follow my usual pattern, my rose colored lenses tend to fade about a month and a half in. At this time I start to see the flaws that I so blatantly ignored in the beginning and decide to wonder if this is what I want or not.
This past weekend I headed down to Chicago and even got to go a day early. I had my first solo tv news segment and was ecstatic. I think it went quite well… hopefully. After I got to head straight to Chicago to see the Ginger. The night I made him and his roommates a home cooked meal and they were loving it. The next day I had to work and the Ginger was on a later schedule so while I worked he hung around and watched soccer until he had to leave. After he left I spend a fair amount of time talking to his roommates and I’m glad as I may not have had the most positive impression previously. I’m actually quite fond of them now. Later in the evening the Ginger came home with dinner and wine. All was going well, but as we went to rent a movie and it wasn’t working I think this is where the frustration began. We watched a few other shows and played a few rounds of uno. After his phone randomly went off I curiously asked who it was and he made some joking retorts about me being nosey and if I wanted to go through his texts. I immediately became red in the face and he was not letting up winding me further. I quickly became quiet, as I do when I’m mad/sad/uncomfortable/any negative emotion. He took note and apologized, but later went to razz me again. A mix of much wine and embarrassment left me fighting back the tears. I had apologized explaining it wasn’t meant to be nosey only out of curiosity, not letting him see how upset I was truly becoming. He said it wasn’t a big deal, but my cheeks were already red hot and it was too late to go back for me. Strangely enough I slept better than usual that night ha.
The next day I went to watch him coach soccer for one of his teams and it was a pretty good time. It was good to see him playing another role. After we grabbed a beer at a cafe in a cute area of the city and both ended up napping on the couches in the living room from lack of sleep. Afterwards we took bikes up to Trader Joe’s as he was planning another delicious meal. He took over the kitchen and started cooking a very impressive meal and would only let me touch the green beans haha. Most of the time I watched him chop, mix, and stir while I stood by with a glass of wine. Surprisingly the weather was still beautiful and we were able to have dinner on the patio. At some point his friend from the weekend before was also texting him about how he was surprised regarding me when he met me at the wedding (I think he expected a skanky girl). The ginger told me that he was texting that I’d be good for him. I don’t know if this is a compliment to me or to be taken as a red flag regarding him haha. Later after finishing up a hilarious list of the 100 greatest 90s songs we headed over to a local pub and watched the baseball games. He decided to razz me again over the texts and I was not happy about this. Even though i knew he was joking, my cheeks were burning yet again and I clammed right up. Eventually we moved past this and headed home exhausted.
The morning brought about shenanigans and another soccer game. I had a better time at this game talking to the parents, but apparently he hates coaching this team. I had flashbacks of being in Korea and my English coteacher saying negative things about the kids and me just wanting to stand up for them. They’re only kids! After we relaxed for a bit at his place and I made the 5 1/2 hour drive back home with much on my mind.
I gave myself a night to think about it and today I got the balls to confront him with a couple things that were bothering me. I told him about watching how far he winds me up because I felt pretty shitty about it a couple times over the weekend. I also told him that I get he like sexy librarians, models, porn stars, and other attractive women, but always hearing him say that stuff makes me feel self conscious as I know I’m a pretty girl, but am also aware I will never look like that. He apologized and stated that he’d only been joking and regarding the girls that they’re most celebrities and he was sorry he made me feel bad. He then opened up that while it’s great when we are able to spend 3-4 days together he needs space occasionally because he enjoys his alone time and needs it. So every once and awhile he’ll need that time while we visit each other. This wasn’t the greatest thing for me to hear as he’s not very touchy feely in the first place, but I appreciated his honestly. Nobody wants to hear bad things, but I also don’t want to be the only one telling him things I don’t like and want him to work on. I also confessed to him that i was really nervous to bring up these topics because I didn’t know if he would call it off. I know he is not a rainbow and butterflies sort of guy, but that I would need a little something now and then and he said he understood.
Things I didn’t mention, but I’m sure he knows: He is on his phone a ton and I’m actively trying not to let it drive me nuts. Not only is he always checking sports, social media, playing games, I get worried as to who he may be texting as I don’t know if it’s work, guy friends, girls, etc. I don’t want to be played for a fool. When he has made jokes about me having other guys, I have playfully turned it around on him where he has retorted he wouldn’t do that.
Part of him also reminds me of the Navy guy I dated in Australia, which is not a good thing. I feel like he is constantly cursing and putting down others. I don’t think he even realizes how cranky he sounds and his roommate agrees with this. I was also told that for him it’s a 10 or a 1. Things are fantastic or horrible, and there is not much in between. The Ginger also told me how his mom had asked about me and commented that the distance was probably a good thing as he didn’t like people and was quite cranky. Mmmmm….
So I’m glad I talked to him today and my feet aren’t necessarily cold, but I’m not ready to hit the ground running with him yet either. So far when I’ve talked to him about my concerns, he has been surprisingly receptive and apologetic. I appreciate this, but will it be enough? Will I need more romance, more attention, more assurance? I honestly don’t know at this point. And to follow suit this is where I have always hit the proverbial wall. The decision to climb or retreat draws near, and I will likely distance myself to make this decision. It’s difficult because we may not see each other for the next 2 weekends (nearly 3 weeks) so I have no idea if this discussion will bring about change or not. Needless to say, I’m never too keen on this in between…
This past weekend I received a facebook message from the Wolf
Wolf: hey… looks like that new show on tv will be great i know ive been an idiot but i just want you to know that i always cared about you and still do. i hope this doesnt sound odd or anything but i think you look really happy in your profile pic im glad to see you happy. i hope i get to talk to you every now and then maybe… got any new projects besides the condo? i bet its almost done by now, or will it never really be done?! have a good friday and weekend… p.s. nothing much new here in germany other than it starting t get ridiculously cold
I haven’t spoken with him in over a month and I must admit this really caught me off guard. I hate when guys do stuff like this. It took me days to respond and I definitely called him out on being an idiot at times. Do I want to be friends again or should I just let it lie? Ughhh what did I hate and what was good? I can’t even tell anymore.